I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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