i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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