We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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