hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
