he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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