I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
now i know why i became what i already was.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
