I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
