i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
