I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
