dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
