I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
