: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
