She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
