you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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