Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
