he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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