Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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