1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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