didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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