oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
