i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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