well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
should my penis look like a turkey
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
