At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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