Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
