Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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