man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
