How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
