I wanna bring you to show and tell
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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