Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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