I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
