I want to make a zoo with you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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