Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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