I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
