I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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