I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
