Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
