its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
