It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
