I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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