Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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