ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
