Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
