my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
