this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
