If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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