Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
