i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
