You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
