i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
