I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
