you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
