can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
