do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
