What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
