was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
