I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
not ubering you a puppy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
