is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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