I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pants are for mortals
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
