you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
