I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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