I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
