Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize