She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
