Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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