if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
