i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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