Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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