I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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