dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
