I feel like abortions should bother me more
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sober January is a disaster.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ok first of all what the fuck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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