I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You made out with two different species that night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
