Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
