I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
